Broken dreams

I really haven't been making use of this blog, which is a shame. Part of the problem is that I'm incredibly busy, and another part of the problem is that every time I do try to write, it comes out negative.

I HAVE been busy, with school. It's insane, how much work it is. Today I was at the school until 5:30 (even though it ends at 2), and I still have grading to do. With parent phone calls, athletic eligibility, grade reports, secondary (special ed) reports, referrals, intervention logs, grading, planning, copying, updating attendance records, managing thespians, and more... the work never ends. Even my Sunday was spent grading and inputting data from common assessments (8 hours Sunday!).

On top of that, I've been trying to work out every other day or so. I haven't been doing too badly, but still haven't reached the habit that I'd like to have.

At least relationships aren't factoring into the problem. Which brings me back to negativity, of course. I was just sort of dumped again recently. I had been trying not to consider us official in the first place, but that doesn't make it any easier. The guy was lazy. It took so much coaxing and prodding to get him up off his couch. I was always expected to drive out to him, even on my busy weekdays when the 20 minute drive each way, totaled half of my day's free time. He didn't put any effort in the relationship, and I knew I couldn't be with him in the long run. For other reasons too. So why's that so much of a problem?

Well, all of my friends have moved to Chicago or further (one, to Thailand!). I have nobody here anymore, except one person. When she is busy, that leaves me feeling incredibly lost and alone. It makes me reconsider everything. My life seems so monotonous and boring. I need some excitement! So I'm thinking of teaching abroad somewhere, but that would mean possibly giving up my job. I'm also thinking of going to school for library science, but that may mean leaving my district, which I'm not all that happy about either. So many choices, and so unsure about what the heck I want to do!

All I know is, I'm not happy. I work, I go home, I work some more, and I go to bed. Is that really what life is supposed to be like?